h-o-n-e-s-t-y

today, i was just thinking if being yourself is something bad...if feeling what you really feel inside was something others would find weird... if being honest (may it be babaw or not) is something one should neglect...and then i realized may it be a 'babaw' moment or not, being true is something... (here is a super shallow example of how being honest/real just feels good)

been going out with my "depressed" friends for the last couple of days. the usual stuff: drinking, smoking, kwentuhan, gaguhan, tawanan, poker.. what's new? well actually, there was something new. we weren't with ate kae. We were like: "hey! she might get tampo cuz we didnt tell her we were going out?" (not that we intentionally left her out of our depressed moments - just that the situation calls for us to not be with her and its really a long story so im not gonna blab about it). and ofcourse as expected, she got hurt when she found out. it was actually kinda difficult to let her understand that we didnt really left her out (knowing that she was always present and hello?! she is like my partner! never absent even if she is realllllly wasted already) but in the end ofcourse she understood. while we were talking about how hurt she was, i was thinking to myself "how honest can she be... she's letting me know how she felt even if there was this tendency for me to really laugh because it was mababaw right?!" and it hit me! i havent been honest with her (not that im not really honest but we never had the chance to talk after we went out last saturday). i had to tell her something. i had to tell her that i felt different when we went out the last time. since it seemed a long time ago, i didnt really know how to tell her what i felt that night...but then, i needed to be honest... so i told her... "the last time we went out, "naibahan" tlga ako.. kasi first, all of you knew each other (and im not one of the "officemates"), second, all of you were either 'taken - so to speak' or being mushy about someone. and me? NADA! as in wala! zero! and it is by choice that im single and you know that... but they didnt. and for the first time in my single life, i really felt i was single! cuz one of them was like looking at me and tapping me at the back saying 'you will be happy. it will come' - like hello?! did i look unhappy? did i look like i was out of place because i am single and not because i didnt know the people around me? it was like i felt i was representing someone who was sooooo lonely because nobody loves her.. it felt like i was single by birth (if only i am a person who can just rant about her past relationships to people who she doesnt know then maybe, they might have thought that i, indeed had some boyfriends in the past! gawsh! i swear! im not single by birth!) hahaha!" and there i was.. the real honest person eversince (that sometimes, i dont know that i offend the people around me because im toooo honest!). and it really felt good. it felt good that she was honest with me about how she felt when we went out (so posessived of you thors! haha) and i, being honest with her of how i felt when we went out with her loverboy and the gang.

i just realized that it may be hard to tell the truth to someone because of fear of hurting him/her or fear of how he/she would react to how you think or feel, but at the end of the day, honesty will still save the day. if you feel like telling someone something (may it be good or bad), say it! if you feel like doing something, do it! because in the end, being honest to yourself and to others will always be the right thing to do! so people, be real... be who you are!