Update Update!!!

So what have I been doing for the past weeks? Well, I have been busy with a lot of different stuff. Let me enumerate those:

1. My mom came home from Japan
Of course it was given that I had to spend time with her for a fact that she's not staying here for so long. I had to go to the mall with her for all her shopping sprees (wish my stuff was included on her shopping list but with the time she had, our shoppings were for her!). We also had to have our quality time together (cuddling, loving-loving, fighting and talking nonsense forever! hehehe). In fairness, the short time we had to bond was worth every inch of energy I used! I miss her now...

2. My forever night-shift @ work
Gawsh! I swear! This was really stressful. Not that I'm complaining. It's just that my mom was here so it was more stressful than i thought it would be. I mean it was a good thing that we are allowed to work @ home but having a 12AM to 8:30AM shift was tiring. During those times, I promise... it was like a miracle if I had 6 hours sleep! Most of the time, I would finish work @ 8:30, take a bath, go to the mall and stroll around with my mom, get home at around 4PM, rest for a while (if I am lucky there are no trainings), sleep at 6PM, wake up at 9PM or if lucky at 10PM, watch TV (just to awake myself while waiting for my shift to come), get online at 11:15PM, and work until 8:30AM. The week after my 12AM shift was a 4PM shift (this was a calmer time for me though). But I tell you, during this time, I really missed my friends! I didn't see them for a long time just because I was out of energy to go out and have fun time with them...

3. My Boracay Trip!
This is a more stress-free update from me! I went to Bora for the first time and I loved it there. I loved the place because it was beautiful (although the timing was not that good. With all the 'lumot' around, it was really difficult to swim! Haha) I tried every water sport you could think of (flyfish, parasail, Jet Ski, banana boat, island hop - name it, I tried it!) Let me just describe the experience of the top 3 water sports that I loved :)

Flyfish was the killer ride I should say. This ride had me almost killed (exage!) But hell! I swear I was kicked out of the ride twice and I am not exaggerating this time. I was really thrown away. Haha! Just imagining the way I fell out the ride and splashed into the water makes me laugh! The worst part? Getting up the ride again. This man literally pulled me up! I thought my arms were gonna break. Not to mention my life jacket being pulled up to my head that I looked like a fish! Now I know why this ride is called the flyfish! It’s because on your struggle to get up that thing again, you'll literally look like a fish! Hahaha

Parasailing was cool at first because I felt like I was really flying (exage! haha. I mean it was cool because I was on top of the sea and the wind was perfect (not too strong and not too weak - just right when you are on top of the world). I also had a view on the most hilarious scene up there (the details would not be shared just to protect the person involved! hahaha! You know who you are...that was the best right?!) But after a long time of sitting on those big bands that you'll feel wouldn't protect you for so long, I got so dizzy I was shouting from above to put us down. But as expected, no one noticed we wanted to get down (We were wondering what plans they had for people who were in a bad situation up there - I mean there weren't any buttons or something that you could press in case of emergencies for the people down the boat to be signaled of what's happening up up in a way!) Nevertheless, it was really one of a kind experience!

Jet Ski was the most conservative ride of all. It was fun! I have tried jet skiing when I was in high school but I was just a back rider then. This time, I wanted to try 'driving' the thing! At first, it was really scary because I wasn't sure of the route to take and I was losing my grip on the handle. But after like 5 mins, I got used to the ride that I didn't realize I was going fast! This ride was awesome! The 30 mins wasn't enough to get crazy over the water!

Enough of the rides. Let’s get down to loving the place and the creatures under it. The island hopping was ok. The fun part was when we snorkeled and swam with a lot of fishes! They were literally all over us! Hehe. I felt like I was placed inside an aquarium with a lot of friendly friends :) I was even looking for Nemo. Haha! My cousin and I were each given bread to bait the fishes and at first, I really got scared cuz the fishes were all over me and since I had the bread, I though they were gonna eat me alive! Hahaha. The funny thing is when my cousin and I were face to face under water, we lured each other with the bread we had on our hands... that made us laugh under the water and unfortunately, because of that, we drunk the water of boracay! (At least we got to taste the h2o huh? haha!)

Over all, the Bora trip was awesome. I wasn't able to enjoy the night life since I was too tired to walk around, drink all night and have fun but still the trip was worth all my energy! I got super sunog that my friends couldn't stop saying "Mai, ang itim mo! I swear!" hahaha! Funny...

4. Back to Reality
Generally, going back to the routine is a good thing - going to the office and working on normal hours, seeing my friends in the office and actually talking to them in person, waking up at a normal hour of the day, seeing the sun shine and not waiting for the sun to set just to fall asleep, sleeping at the right time of the night, getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night, getting in touch with my barkada and all the stuff feels really good and nice.

But the problem is, I feel lost... after all the fun things I have been into this past few weeks, once again, I'm back to reality. I'm back to my old self... I'm back to the confused Maie. I did something a couple of days ago I want to regret. But then, Ate Kae is right. Why should I dwell on it? Why should I care if in the first place I was sure of what I was doing? I wish I could just think straight so that I would not have to go through the same thing again next time. I'm not sure of what I want. And I'm not sure of who I am right now. If only I could once and for all be sure of who I am and what I want in my life, then I guess I wouldn't have to be this confused. I'm just glad that finally, I was able to talk to someone after keeping it inside. It's really nice to talk to someone and hear her say: "You will get through it"...I will survive. I have always been sure of what I wanted and who I am but now, I'm just sooooo lost. Well, as they say, I always have been a survivor. I always have been the strongest one. So why can't I overcome this right? I will survive as always. I always have this facade that will protect me from being seen weak. I always smile and laugh out whatever it is I'm going through. I guess it is my defence mechanism. That is how I get over the obstacles I'm going through. I do not like to dwell on things therefore I am not dwelling on this. I will be ok. As I always say, everything will be ok in the end, if it isn't, then it isn't the end. There is still a lot of time for me to fix whatever it is that is flawed. Life is so beautiful to waste my time on dwelling on the nonsense things I have done. I could change it if I wish it. I just have to start from me...