devil's advocate

i went out with two of my guy friends and became the devil's advocate... hehe! its really funny to let them think deep of what they're going into and if they will be able to get through all the shit. ok ok... im bad.. but i liked it! hehehe

marty: di sa nagrereklamo ako or anything because i love it when she's like that to me. pero minsan di ko alam kung ano kami ni fidji. parang di ko alam kung nasanay lang ba sha na nanjan ako...
maie: get kita. eto opinyon ko lang.. pero may possibility nga na nasanay lang sha na nanjan ka.. and when she realizes na ok lang naman na wala ka, pwede magbago lahat... ganyan nangyari sakin e... (stating the example which is soooo convincing)
marty: hmmm... (thinking soooooooo deep)

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nj: alam mo, feeling ko..nawawala na tlga yung feelings ko kay carmi..
maie: ows? ikaw pa? e mashado mo love un e.. "tanga" ka na nga e...
nj: hindi promise! kasi dati, paghatid ko sakanya...text ko sha agad... ngayon di ko na tlga sha nitetext.
maie: pero nihatid mo pa din sha? (knowing that dropping off the girl to her office is just a waste of time for him)
nj: oo! pero di ko sha tinext (proud!)
maie: (thinking of what's the difference?!) so? feeling mo na wala ka na feelings kasi di mo na sha nitetext? kahit nihahatid mo pa din sha at nagpapakapagod ka kahit di na kayo?
nj: oo naman! kasi tulad ngayon.. nagtext sha.. di ko na nga sha nitetext back e.. di ko nga sha nitatawagan...
maie: (convinced... knowing how nj really acts when 'in-love at nagpapakatanga') ah.. good for you.. kaya ba ganyan ka at nagf-flirt kay *toooot* (name shall not be disclosed)???
nj: uy! hindi ah! nilandi ko ba?
maie: oo kaya!

ending? nothing! i think they were too drunk to absorb the things i've said... nevertheless, i really had fun buggling their minds by being negative to all the things they were saying! fun fun! haha.. bad bad... but at least... i enjoyed! :)

quoting the quote

ate kae: maie, may basahin ako sayong quote.
maie: sige go!
ate kae: "the best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it, even if you know that it cant last forever! thats the true essense of love, its not about winning someone. its not about owning a relationship. its just about being happy because you know you have loved someone. its about being guiltless becuase you know you didnt take away someone from anybody. you just loved and loved unselfishly." hindi tama no?
maie: baket?
ate kae: kasi get? parang di mo paglaban yung love mo? parang kunwari may boyfriend ka, tas love ko sha. ang panget diba? un na ung true love? ang baduy no?
maie: haha! oo nga! may point ka.
ate kae: sige send ko sayo. internalize mo.

ate kae, tama ka. this quote is kinda weird! so martyr and idealistic. is the best part of being in love just loving a person and not letting that person how you really feel? is the true essense of love just feeling that intense emotion and keeping it to yourself? is that happy? its weird right?! hehe.. sa bagay.. kanya kanyang opinyon lang yan! hihihi :)

h-o-n-e-s-t-y

today, i was just thinking if being yourself is something bad...if feeling what you really feel inside was something others would find weird... if being honest (may it be babaw or not) is something one should neglect...and then i realized may it be a 'babaw' moment or not, being true is something... (here is a super shallow example of how being honest/real just feels good)

been going out with my "depressed" friends for the last couple of days. the usual stuff: drinking, smoking, kwentuhan, gaguhan, tawanan, poker.. what's new? well actually, there was something new. we weren't with ate kae. We were like: "hey! she might get tampo cuz we didnt tell her we were going out?" (not that we intentionally left her out of our depressed moments - just that the situation calls for us to not be with her and its really a long story so im not gonna blab about it). and ofcourse as expected, she got hurt when she found out. it was actually kinda difficult to let her understand that we didnt really left her out (knowing that she was always present and hello?! she is like my partner! never absent even if she is realllllly wasted already) but in the end ofcourse she understood. while we were talking about how hurt she was, i was thinking to myself "how honest can she be... she's letting me know how she felt even if there was this tendency for me to really laugh because it was mababaw right?!" and it hit me! i havent been honest with her (not that im not really honest but we never had the chance to talk after we went out last saturday). i had to tell her something. i had to tell her that i felt different when we went out the last time. since it seemed a long time ago, i didnt really know how to tell her what i felt that night...but then, i needed to be honest... so i told her... "the last time we went out, "naibahan" tlga ako.. kasi first, all of you knew each other (and im not one of the "officemates"), second, all of you were either 'taken - so to speak' or being mushy about someone. and me? NADA! as in wala! zero! and it is by choice that im single and you know that... but they didnt. and for the first time in my single life, i really felt i was single! cuz one of them was like looking at me and tapping me at the back saying 'you will be happy. it will come' - like hello?! did i look unhappy? did i look like i was out of place because i am single and not because i didnt know the people around me? it was like i felt i was representing someone who was sooooo lonely because nobody loves her.. it felt like i was single by birth (if only i am a person who can just rant about her past relationships to people who she doesnt know then maybe, they might have thought that i, indeed had some boyfriends in the past! gawsh! i swear! im not single by birth!) hahaha!" and there i was.. the real honest person eversince (that sometimes, i dont know that i offend the people around me because im toooo honest!). and it really felt good. it felt good that she was honest with me about how she felt when we went out (so posessived of you thors! haha) and i, being honest with her of how i felt when we went out with her loverboy and the gang.

i just realized that it may be hard to tell the truth to someone because of fear of hurting him/her or fear of how he/she would react to how you think or feel, but at the end of the day, honesty will still save the day. if you feel like telling someone something (may it be good or bad), say it! if you feel like doing something, do it! because in the end, being honest to yourself and to others will always be the right thing to do! so people, be real... be who you are!

I have been tagged for the second time around

So, i have been tagged by ALVIN! Actually, this is my 2nd time to be tagged (MIA was the first person to tag me but i wasn't able to do the thing...e now, patulan ko na to since I have been busy to post a new entry - a good excuse to post something right?!)

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. My mom’s yaya (I’ve changed! Im the laziest person now – maybe because I was ‘overused’ before)
2. Database Developer (sounds weird but that’s how they called me! Haha!)
3. Design Engineer
4. Operations Duty Manager (Finance/Shipments)

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. My Bestfriend’s wedding: Just because…
2. Emperor’s New Groove: Super funny! “Yey! I’m a lamma again!” *boink*
3. Cruel Intentions: Gawsh! Ryan Phillippe is so H-O-T! J I crush him so much!
4. Clueless: its so me! Haha (whatever!)

Four places you have lived in:
1. Tokyo, Japan
2. BF Parañaque
3. Valle Verde 2
4. Pacific Place

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Fushigi Yuugi: I love my Tamahome! J
2. Sex & the City: Naughty and nice
3. CSI (Las Vegas, Miami, New York): I love the Science and the “how” stuff!
4. F.R.I.E.N.D.S: Hillarious! Makes me laugh all the time

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Japan: should I call this a vacation? Its more of going home I guess J
2. Boracay
3. Batangas
4. Baguio

Four websites I visit daily:
1. http://mail.yahoo.com
2. http://www.gmail.com
3. http://www.youtube.com
4. http://www.rx931.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. French Fries @ McDO (with plain sundae – oh! It’s the best!)
2. Pasta
3. Pizza
4. Mangga at bagoong! (hihihi)

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Some place cold: damn! Its super hot!
2. A stress-free place (is there such?)
3. Europe: yep! Anywhere in Europe
4. Japan: to be with my mom (yuck! Senti! Haha!)

Four friends who I have tagged that I think will respond
1. Cessca
2. Kathy
3. Nicaa
4. Jim

enough is enough

enough of those sad and vague thoughts! had enough of them.. (atleast this isnt as heavy as the old entries... i guess?! hehe)

so, i therefore conclude that it was just a phase.. i guess im getting old (yikes! dont likey!).. but atleast now, i feel so much better (except for those misses at work i will elaborate and rant over later). i just got the time to ponder on something i heard on the radio on my way to the office. i was listening to the top ten of the "morning rush with chico and delamar" (RX 93.1 - makes me really laugh everyday. guess this is why i am perky in the morning). their topic was something like "the quote you would apply to live your life" and one entry really hit me. "mistakes make you think but big mistakes make you think HARDER". its like the quote talked to me and told me why i was going through such a difficult time. i made a big mistake and that is why i was thinking so HARD... so hard for me to convince myself of never making the same mistake again. now, it all makes sense why i never stopped thinking until it got to the point wherein i felt so lost and confused. but, as i said, its all good now. everything is ok and im surely moving on...

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lets get to the "rant over" section of my blog. i swear! i guess this has been the worst (if not, one of the worst) week of my entire career life! (to think, the week isn't over yet! argh!) im just frustrated by the fact that the last three working days of my FTS DM life didnt turn out the way i wanted it to be (you know.. smooth, no misses, theoretically perfect!) but hell, the opposite thing happened.. i swear! i dont know how to take it. its just that when i do something (may it be work related or non-work related), i see to it that i give my 100% effort and as much as possible, i try not be careless... but hell! why did it have to be those days? i know im careless... but i just wish that those were not the days my carelessness attacked. i know, i know, it happens. but this is different for me. because its like my last week in FTS! i dont want my teammates to remeber me as someone who missed this and that.. hay buhay... argh! i really dont want to sound as if this is my life.. but i am just frustrated... ewan ko.. pinanganak siguro talaga akong ganito.. madaling ma-bother! i remember when i was still in highschool, whenever there were tests and i didnt get a 100, i would cry.. at paparusahan ko self ko.. (like no telebabad, no tv, no nothing!) lalo na if i knew that i could have made it... thats how babaw i get sa pagiging bothered. my mom and dad would worry big time kasi nga ang babaw ko.. at super dali nga ako ma-bother.. mashado daw akong nagiisip. pero ganon lang talaga.. maya maya wala nanaman yung pagiging bothered ko.. kasi super happy person naman ako e! mashado lang nagiisip...

well, ayaw ko na.. i quit thinking.. i quit being bothered.. i just want to be stress-free even just for tonight.. have to change this thing about me complicating the simple things in life by thinking too hard.. so i guess, ill be having fun tonight.. lets wait and see..

coin toss

so... im still confused. im still lost. im still not normal.

last night, for the first time in my life, i felt desperate. i felt i was suffocating and wanted to go out so badly i texted all my friends. thanks to nj, ate kae and aimuel for making me sane even just for a while. damn! i wish i get over this stage fast before i totally go insane. i want to be normal again! hmph! life can be so complicated when in reality, it isn't. i actually just have to LIVE it. but i just cant stop thinking about "this thing" that's bugging me. ate kae is right. "yun na un? un na ung magpapatumba sakin?" di dapat. di tama.

A trusted high school friend of mine told me to toss a coin. in times of confusion, tossing a coin works and he said most of the time, picking one side of the coin in making a decision actually is the right path to choose. but in my case? tossing a coin wouldn't really work. it isn't applicable. it's complicated as it is. tossing a coin would just make it more complicated. gawsh! ate kae.. are u really my idol? i think i want amnesia...
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It's 3:13AM and i just got home from metrowalk. I can't believe i actually confessed to Fidji. she is usually the kind of friend who drives me insane. but tonight, she actually was a person i was able to talk to and rely on. in the situation i am in, im just thankful i have friends like them. it just feels good to know that i am not alone. and that i have friends who makes me laugh and smile for the tiniest things.

i hope all the crazy things in life can be solved by tossing a coin. heads or tails?